Shrink it

In sleep, I often allow my brain to pick up on some theories that I was slow to understand , an explanation to why people act the way they act that eludes me... the need to know the why of things comes to you in your sleep when you let go.

Today I woke up to this very simple thought that I was trying for so long to get a hold of: Emotional pain/hurt spreads- You can actually catch a pain that was not yours, you can transmit it and infect others. A woman who allows emotional pain to get hold of her will inflict it on people around her- her man , her kids... and so on. A Man, who allows pain to control his actions often inflicts it on all his relationships too , for example we all have heard of the theory that women suffer at the hands of a man who was actually hurt by one sick woman - usually his first . Be that as it may, this is no fatality. A man, or a woman, choses everyday to carry on their pain and spread it around. If someone hurt you, you have the choice to recognize the hurt, feel it, discuss it, get over it slowly but steadily, or to let it control you, affect the way you see the other sex and replicate it ad nauseam ad infinitum. You have the choice to see in all your partners the one partner that hurt you and miss the chance to really see them for all they are and they can be and all the beautiful things you can create and achieve together. Many years ago a male friend of mine was having an issue with the woman he was falling for, he asked me if I thought he should cheat... don't ask me why he thought it would be the way to deal with the issue - that's another story. But I remember telling him that he was stupid and that he simply needs to talk and deal with the pain his woman was experiencing without allowing it to spread to him. I often tell this story to myself because it has a happy ending the guy has a beautiful family now and his kids are thriving. Had my friend chosen the react to the hurt the easy way, he would have lost the chance to build a family and experience life as it should be experienced, in lightness and joy.

It is up to you to control the way a person's negative actions affect your feelings. It is up to you to deal with people who try to inflict pain on you by being direct and honest with yourself and with your surrounding. By accepting the pain of the first blow knowing that your ego is made of sterner stuff and that you can stop the hurt there simply by not inflicting this pain on others- the unaware, who came into your life with a low emotional immunity and their own set of vulnerabilities.

Sadly, people who are deeply affected by hurt are the most sensitive. This is why when they spread the pain they not only keep on carrying it, they also open themselves to another pain they will have to deal with, when they wake up from their revenge trips: Guilt- the guilt of hurting someone who did not ask for it or deserve it.

It is your choice to face your past and admit that you made mistakes and that some people managed to get under your skin and hurt you, it is your choice to give new people the chance to see you for who you really are and give yourself the chance to open your heart to all possibilities. Including the one to be hurt... after all it is only by fire that your real metal shows.

Dima EL SAYED